A Truly Monstrous Promotional Image for Cats |
Cats
is filled with so very many negative stereotypes. It especially pokes fun at
people with alternate body types, especially Rebel Wilson’s Jennyanydots and
James Corden’s Bustopher Jones. Then again, it can’t seem to pinpoint positive
body types, either, since all of the characters are the victims of extreme
computer-generated manipulation to the point that they are no longer
recognizable. In fact, arguably the most disconcerting thing about the entire
film is its journey into what is called the “uncanny valley”. Simply put, the
uncanny valley is the mental disassociation of the audience from characters who
bear a resemblance to humans, but are not human enough to empathize with. This
disassociation is psychologically proven to breed revulsion. Cats cannot seem
to choose whether the main characters are feline or human. They are a grossly
disturbing manifestation.
Cats
might as well have zero plot, as the one it does have is entirely too forced.
The “plot” as it were relies entirely too much on deus ex machina plot devices,
such as the evil Macavity Cat, played by Idris Elba, keeping protagonists on a
barge in the middle of the Thames River, and transporting them there via
magical “poofs”. Nonetheless, plot resolution in the film is entirely pointless,
and fills the least amount of time possible. It comes when Jennyanydots does a
“costume change” and frees herself and the others on the barge in the most
formulaic, painfully straightforward confrontation scene in recent memory.
Speaking of Macavity Cat, it is quite clear that his character exists solely to
add conflict to the film, with absolutely no explanation. Similarly, Laurie
Davidson’s Mr. Mistoffelees exists solely to save the day, which he does by
“poofing” Judy Dench’s Old Deuteronomy back to safety from the barge. Both
characters use magic with such blasé nonchalance that one wonders if this is a
missing piece of the Harry Potter universe. Furthermore, at multiple points,
the film transforms into a nonsensical dance fest. Well, nothing has made sense
up to this point, so why should the choreography? As a musical, the film is in
very poor taste, as a book of children’s poems made by T.S. Eliot for his
godchildren provides a very limited basis for a Broadway play and absolutely no
basis whatsoever for a cinematic film.
The
set design doesn’t make sense, either. The size of these cats varies from scene
to scene, and character to character. In addition, some of them wear clothing,
with seemingly no reason given for their wardrobe dysfunction. This selective
clothing of the cats is quite unwise, and most disconcerting. Then again,
judiciousness and subtlety are completely thrown out the window in this film.
Case in point, this film has legions of human-faced cockroaches doing the Nazi
goose step for absolutely no reason. It is revolting. And, in a film filled
with human-faced cats, human-faced mice, and human-faced cockroaches, we are
left with the disturbing realization that there is a complete lack of
human-faced humans. In fact, the end of the film is a disturbing sweep of the
whole of Trafalgar Square is not a human being in sight, just the main
character of this film.
Grizabella and Old Deuteronomy |
This
film has a great deal of star power, although many of these big names are
already distancing themselves from it. Jennifer Hudson’s Grizabella repeatedly
shows her tearful face simply to remind you that she exists. (Yes, we see you!)
Taylor Swift, who has featured heavily in advertisements, has a body double
named Annabelle Strutt who plays the evil henchkitty (this should not even be
an idea, let alone a word) Bombalurina for approximately one song over the
course of a few minutes. Yet it is Taylor Swift herself who is featured very
heavily in promotions for the film. Swift may have realized the lack of
potential for the film, as she has completely failed to promote it amongst her
fan base. The film also insults and mocks legendary talent with unparalleled
vehemence. Poor Sir Ian McKellen! As Asparagus the Theater Cat, he actually
licks liquid from a plate in the film! And poor Dame Judy Dench! As Old
Deuteronomy, she does the splits! One would think she was above that! It gets
to the point that when Dench says “Would you like to see me make ‘the Jellical
choice’,” one has no way to take it but as a threat.
Cats
is most unappealing. It is absolute nonsense. If you have the misfortune of
sitting down for a viewing, you will spend the entire time wondering what
exactly it is that you are watching. Nothing about this film makes sense, but
you, the viewer, will feel higher than a kite. This film is entirely too much
stress on the eyes, ears, and brain, a string of pointless non-sequitur moments.
There are things people simply should not see, and Cats is one of them. This
film should never have been made.
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